when ure 22 and ure eating cereal with milk for dinner while trying to load dawn of the dead on a pirated movie site...
there's something about balance and well being that they did not teach you in school.
and knowing that itself is already a very good start.

its yet another day of which i can hear my brother and father having a conversation outside my room and im turning up avenged sevenfold on my itunes so that it doesnt make me feel even more disturbed.
i might as well be labeled an orphan.

im starting to hate them...

not because they refuse to talk to me, but seeing them and hearing their voices just make me uncomfortable and awkward.
like im staying in a house with 2 men i dont know.
but what can i do when home is always the best place to be at? where you can have freedom and not be bothered by psychotic landlords who probe into your life and give you curfews. 
when im not at home, i want to be at home.
but when im at home, its uncomfortable, awkward and stressful...

and mich told me she bumped into lois and my uncle...
lois is someone i dont even know anymore.
she doesnt exist in my book of life.
yes i have a book of life in my system.
i dont really give a shit about if she is living or dead really.
because she died in 2008 when she did what she did.
n ppl tell me to be understanding that she is confused and going thru a bad patch..
which of us isnt?
well, if for some reason she happens to bother to stalk my life here,
i just want her to know that i used to have a nickname, jiap...
and that nickname was something everyone used to call me by...
since i was a ignorant kid...
and she is the reason why i never want to hear ppl calling me that ever again.

she and the certain bunch of jws that are so disappointing.

love?
they better check their definition of love in a proper dictionary before asking me to come back into the "truth"...
because i for one dont remember seeing a single one of them when i was cringing up in pain and suffering...
or when we had nth to eat...
or when my brother was going thru a tough time...
and all they did was criticize.
and look at u with tainted glasses.

so dont even talk to me about lois ever again.

i loved her too much. trusted her too much.
knew her for too long.

apparently ddnt know her well enough to anticipate her cruelty.

i hope u get baptized like u have always wanted to be... and if u dont, i really question why since ure so holy and godly now blocking the world like ure doing now...
i hope u get over the past and continue to block the world out...
because it's doing u gd... sticking to just your group... your mom and sis.
changing your emails and msn...
and blocking ppl who love you out of ur life.
maybe i should try to find your ex bf which u did the same too...
he would know how it feels.
he would probably hate u the way i do... if not more?
ure dead to me...
u belong dead to me...

i hope i never have to see or hear about you again...
reuniting with michelle and melissa doesnt help because it triggers old memories and digs up old wounds.
but like said, win some lose some.

u shall stay dead to me...