mainly spent half a day worrying. and feeling like someone just tore away a part of them self from me. thought i did something wrong to entail people to stop associating, to start avoiding, to stop talking to me...
i thought it was something else to get used to... but well, turns out, it's just a slower process.

and i felt that feeling again when "time was up".

the feeling i had every night and day before i went to school.

went to the kitchen and drank down reality...

been sick the whole week... it really doesnt help.
it really doesnt help that they dont speak to me...
it really doesnt help that i dont have anyone to buy me food when im sick...
and about to pass out in my own damn bed...
it already doesnt help coming home to bots for a family that are not programmed to speak to u or even look at u... but speak amongst themselves behind closed doors.
but when im running a fever?
and when im trembling to get the food stuck on the fork into my mouth when food arrives?
only because i asked for help... only because someone else cares.
what if at a certain point in life, nobody did, nobody knew the things that im going thru,

and everyone was just a phase?
what if at a certain point in life i had learned to stop asking?
i guess we all have to think about this one time or another when we are old and gray with the prospect of ill misfortune that we have no kids or kids that make us feel like we have none at all, and we are just withering in frailness and ailments that we have to think about stuff like these...

ive always been independent in my own way, but...